We often see this topic under parenting. In fact, all of the parents’ opinions vary, as we all talk about this sensitive way of disciplining our children.
I am also one of these parents who usually ask others, if shouting or spanking will be good for kids. Some says- they won’t do it, for it only scares children and do not teach any value; meanwhile, the other group defends themselves and says children should really have someone to get afraid of, so they know when to follow. And among all of these people, parents should be the first ones they should look up to.
Well, I did not settle for numerous arguments without conclusion, and did not remain helpless. Instead, I tried to figure it out on my own. So I began to weigh both. I bought a book and yes, it has enlightened me a lot about proper discipline even without my high pitch voice and physical contacts that will hurt my child. To contradict such idea, I recalled every scenario involving me and my parents, upon my unacceptable attitude shown, way back my childhood days.
SPANKING
Spanking and shouting is the first strategy that I thought would be applicable, as I deal with my daughter. I grew up with it, so what could be wrong? However, there were times when I felt so much pity with my young one. I was wondering, what are the things that linger in her mind those moments that she was getting hurt? I ignored the feeling at first and followed what adults say- it is normal that you want to give in but being tough will make her learn.
True it is, that she had known: when I raise my hand and give her the expression of “one more move, and this hand will land on your hand,” she needed to stop what she’s doing. Yet, when I was the one who did something she did not like, (e.g. getting her toys to pack away during bed time) she spanked me as well. Hence, the idea that I had instilled in her mind those times, was “spank people who do something you don’t like.”
Good strategy? I don’t think so. So I tried to be more gentle to her.
Maybe I don’t have to spank. High pitch voice might make her follow and get scared at the same time.
SHOUTING
Since she was two year old then, she kept on messing up, and repeatedly doing things that I asked her not to do. Using shouting made me too noisy for her and perhaps she thought it is the way we should talk to each other. I just caught her saying please, in a loud voice. When I asked her why she’s shouting, she just smiled. Another instance when she was not in the mood, she just told me what she needs in a rude and screaming tone.
Have I been successful this time? Not again.
Perhaps I needed more advice regarding this discipline without spanking and shouting.
ALTERNATIVE WAYS OF DISCIPLINE
I read a lot of blogs, articles, studies and finally, a book. I was convinced and from then on, I applied it in my daughter. Yet, there were also times that she cannot be controlled. Thus, it led me again to thinking: Am I doing the right thing? How about I combine them, case to case basis, perhaps?
COMBINED WAYS
I asked my husband’s opinion, and according to him, “what if, let’s put all things in moderate. Like shout at aisha, when you have called her attention thrice and she tried to ignore you. In this way, she’ll know that we give her chances and time but if she’ll refuse to follow, she’ll put herself into trouble.”
I tried once, and it worked. I tried it again for the second, third and yes until now, it is still working with her.
LEARNING & CONCLUSION
I have discovered a handful of lessons as I am applying both strategies to my child. Maybe putting things to moderate explains it all, yet, I have also known that:
1) Spanking and Shouting will make them follow because they get scared. But what most parents forget to do is to explain to their children why they have done such acts. Lack of explanation, would lead to numerous speculations from your child’s mind. We would not want them to assume that “mommy hurts me also when I spank my playmate,” instead, we are hoping that they should get the idea of “I spank you so you’ll feel how it’s like to be spanked. It hurts people and I don’t want you to do that, because it is never good.”
2) More parents spank and shout to release their anger and not to discipline. Let us always remember that right after the act, it doesn’t feel good as we look at our children’s bruise, small wound, and not even a scratch; it doesn’t also feel good whenever we threw words that they don’t really deserve. Besides these uneasy feelings, the punitive words that we use, as well as the painful spank, might affect the child’s confidence and will worsen the unaccepted attitude instead of correcting it.
3) We shout so they will pay more attention to us. We spank because talking is not enough for them to follow. These are the only reasons we should have in mind whenever we do such acts and nothing more. If we go beyond, no good result will be achieved.
4) Make sure you are calm whenever you discipline this way. Shouting only requires huge voice, not offensive words. Spanking means landing one hand on the child’s hand, or striking to cause pain, but not putting wound in a child’s face or using a heavy buckle of belt to any part of the body that may cause injury.
Let me end this article through this thought that we all should put in mind: As a parent or a guardian, we should teach the young ones how to act properly, and grow up with good manners. Any negative deeds in front of them, and negative reactions upon their behavior, will result to negative effects as well. They tend to copy you, and cannot think yet for themselves, so be the one in control.
always happy to help,
CESCA
I am also one of these parents who usually ask others, if shouting or spanking will be good for kids. Some says- they won’t do it, for it only scares children and do not teach any value; meanwhile, the other group defends themselves and says children should really have someone to get afraid of, so they know when to follow. And among all of these people, parents should be the first ones they should look up to.
Well, I did not settle for numerous arguments without conclusion, and did not remain helpless. Instead, I tried to figure it out on my own. So I began to weigh both. I bought a book and yes, it has enlightened me a lot about proper discipline even without my high pitch voice and physical contacts that will hurt my child. To contradict such idea, I recalled every scenario involving me and my parents, upon my unacceptable attitude shown, way back my childhood days.
SPANKING
Spanking and shouting is the first strategy that I thought would be applicable, as I deal with my daughter. I grew up with it, so what could be wrong? However, there were times when I felt so much pity with my young one. I was wondering, what are the things that linger in her mind those moments that she was getting hurt? I ignored the feeling at first and followed what adults say- it is normal that you want to give in but being tough will make her learn.
True it is, that she had known: when I raise my hand and give her the expression of “one more move, and this hand will land on your hand,” she needed to stop what she’s doing. Yet, when I was the one who did something she did not like, (e.g. getting her toys to pack away during bed time) she spanked me as well. Hence, the idea that I had instilled in her mind those times, was “spank people who do something you don’t like.”
Good strategy? I don’t think so. So I tried to be more gentle to her.
Maybe I don’t have to spank. High pitch voice might make her follow and get scared at the same time.
SHOUTING
Since she was two year old then, she kept on messing up, and repeatedly doing things that I asked her not to do. Using shouting made me too noisy for her and perhaps she thought it is the way we should talk to each other. I just caught her saying please, in a loud voice. When I asked her why she’s shouting, she just smiled. Another instance when she was not in the mood, she just told me what she needs in a rude and screaming tone.
Have I been successful this time? Not again.
Perhaps I needed more advice regarding this discipline without spanking and shouting.
ALTERNATIVE WAYS OF DISCIPLINE
I read a lot of blogs, articles, studies and finally, a book. I was convinced and from then on, I applied it in my daughter. Yet, there were also times that she cannot be controlled. Thus, it led me again to thinking: Am I doing the right thing? How about I combine them, case to case basis, perhaps?
COMBINED WAYS
I asked my husband’s opinion, and according to him, “what if, let’s put all things in moderate. Like shout at aisha, when you have called her attention thrice and she tried to ignore you. In this way, she’ll know that we give her chances and time but if she’ll refuse to follow, she’ll put herself into trouble.”
I tried once, and it worked. I tried it again for the second, third and yes until now, it is still working with her.
LEARNING & CONCLUSION
I have discovered a handful of lessons as I am applying both strategies to my child. Maybe putting things to moderate explains it all, yet, I have also known that:
1) Spanking and Shouting will make them follow because they get scared. But what most parents forget to do is to explain to their children why they have done such acts. Lack of explanation, would lead to numerous speculations from your child’s mind. We would not want them to assume that “mommy hurts me also when I spank my playmate,” instead, we are hoping that they should get the idea of “I spank you so you’ll feel how it’s like to be spanked. It hurts people and I don’t want you to do that, because it is never good.”
2) More parents spank and shout to release their anger and not to discipline. Let us always remember that right after the act, it doesn’t feel good as we look at our children’s bruise, small wound, and not even a scratch; it doesn’t also feel good whenever we threw words that they don’t really deserve. Besides these uneasy feelings, the punitive words that we use, as well as the painful spank, might affect the child’s confidence and will worsen the unaccepted attitude instead of correcting it.
3) We shout so they will pay more attention to us. We spank because talking is not enough for them to follow. These are the only reasons we should have in mind whenever we do such acts and nothing more. If we go beyond, no good result will be achieved.
4) Make sure you are calm whenever you discipline this way. Shouting only requires huge voice, not offensive words. Spanking means landing one hand on the child’s hand, or striking to cause pain, but not putting wound in a child’s face or using a heavy buckle of belt to any part of the body that may cause injury.
Let me end this article through this thought that we all should put in mind: As a parent or a guardian, we should teach the young ones how to act properly, and grow up with good manners. Any negative deeds in front of them, and negative reactions upon their behavior, will result to negative effects as well. They tend to copy you, and cannot think yet for themselves, so be the one in control.
always happy to help,
CESCA
MY 3 YEAR OLD’S SENSITIVE QUESTIONS
My little girl is now three, and speaks quite fluently as she talks to anyone. Plenty of questions keep on rising everyday and sometimes, I just cannot answer each of it anymore. Such questions are those that perhaps she cannot learn yet, but as she insists, I am always caught up of telling her the truth rather than giving her alibis.
One question she asked me once was "Mom, what (does) getting married mean?"
I encountered this statement while we were watching the Cinderella 3 movie. We were in the last part and she saw Cinderella getting married with the prince. So she asked- What are they doing, and when I said they're getting married, I led her to this sensitive question that I had not answered without falter. Syllable per syllable, I was able to come up with words I did not think may enlighten her positively.
Mom: "When 2 people love each other, they get married."
Aisha: "Aaa..Us, we can get married ba? (right?)"
Mom: (smiling) Why?
Aisha: "because we love each other."
I had a big smile and hugged her so tight as I realized, my daughter can comprehend such words and statement like this positively, only if she will be given the right answer, said in a proper way.
Below are the other questions that (THANK GOD) I was able to answer properly and with all honesty.
(1)
QUESTION: Why do you close the door while you're dressing up?
ANSWER: When you get older, no one should see you naked. You should also not show them your panty (underwear) or your boobs.
QUESTION: Why?
ANSWER: A..I don't know, I think the older the people are, the more they think that it is embarrassing if others will see their body without clothes.
IMPRESSION: I want to be old like you and then I will also close the door while dressing up.
(2)
QUESTION: Mom, Why do they kiss?
ANSWER: Because they love each other.
IMPRESSION: Oh, that's why you always kiss me and you also kiss daddy?
*the only problem with this scenario is she has also picked up the way a couple kisses, as she sees them on TV. She moves her head and opens her mouth wide. I just laughed because i really cannot tell nor explained if it is wrong way to kiss or not. :)
How about you moms and dads? Have you ever encountered these questions by your little darlings? Well, I hope this blog I made can be of help in any way.
always happy to help,
CESCA
One question she asked me once was "Mom, what (does) getting married mean?"
I encountered this statement while we were watching the Cinderella 3 movie. We were in the last part and she saw Cinderella getting married with the prince. So she asked- What are they doing, and when I said they're getting married, I led her to this sensitive question that I had not answered without falter. Syllable per syllable, I was able to come up with words I did not think may enlighten her positively.
Mom: "When 2 people love each other, they get married."
Aisha: "Aaa..Us, we can get married ba? (right?)"
Mom: (smiling) Why?
Aisha: "because we love each other."
I had a big smile and hugged her so tight as I realized, my daughter can comprehend such words and statement like this positively, only if she will be given the right answer, said in a proper way.
Below are the other questions that (THANK GOD) I was able to answer properly and with all honesty.
(1)
QUESTION: Why do you close the door while you're dressing up?
ANSWER: When you get older, no one should see you naked. You should also not show them your panty (underwear) or your boobs.
QUESTION: Why?
ANSWER: A..I don't know, I think the older the people are, the more they think that it is embarrassing if others will see their body without clothes.
IMPRESSION: I want to be old like you and then I will also close the door while dressing up.
(2)
QUESTION: Mom, Why do they kiss?
ANSWER: Because they love each other.
IMPRESSION: Oh, that's why you always kiss me and you also kiss daddy?
*the only problem with this scenario is she has also picked up the way a couple kisses, as she sees them on TV. She moves her head and opens her mouth wide. I just laughed because i really cannot tell nor explained if it is wrong way to kiss or not. :)
How about you moms and dads? Have you ever encountered these questions by your little darlings? Well, I hope this blog I made can be of help in any way.
always happy to help,
CESCA
THE JOY OF LEARNING
On the 16th of June, 2013, Fisher Price along with their sponsors, launched a seminar for moms, dads and guardians who are very much dedicated to parenthood. Through Ms. Carrie Lupoli’s (mum center’s famous chief mom) talk, every participant was enlightened with topics that each first thought, they have already known.
Even I, who have been a full time mom and been reading articles from websites, magazines, newspapers, and books about dealing with kiddos, have been inspired with deeper meaning of “getting along with a child.” From an innocent, newborn baby, up to their toddler years, Carrie had emphasized every essential idea that adults should know, as they raise or simply deal with young people. Here are some highlights from the talk/ workshop.“THE FIRST FIVE YEARS OF LIFE IS WHEN THE MOST SIGNIFICANT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT OCCUR IN HUMAN”
Without our guidance in these years of their lives, our children, might grow up, not knowing how to try things with optimism, being confused as they decide, might get influenced or encouraged with negative thoughts, or perhaps, might surround themselves with not so good peers.
As parents, we have the obligation to nurture our children’s minds and fill them with attention, love and support. “We literally should develop a brain” of a young, exploring kid. It is our duty to provide them with a safe environment by letting them play around with good people, and be the first persons to influence them by injecting more positive ideas while they’re enjoying their child hood.
“PARENTS WHO DO NOT KNOW ABOUT, NOR DOCUMENTING SUCH MILESTONES, VERY MUCH PLACE THEIR CHILDREN AT RISK FOR LIFE LONG CHALLENGES THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SIGNIFICANTLY IMPROVED IF RECOGNIZED EARLIER”
Whether your children are born normal or not, every parent is responsible to discover each milestone that their child can achieve. It is through documenting each stage of your child’s life, and keen observation that you can determine the real condition of your child.
To learn such developments, you don’t need to compare your child with the children around him, nor based your judgment through what your relatives and friends say, yet only through data that you may research and of course, through what the experts (doctors or physicians) say. And prior to everything, a parent or the guardian should be observant of the kid through play time.
“THE POWER OF PLAY”
“Interactive, play-based learning can teach children all of the essential skills necessary for healthy brain development and no other approach, program or system can make those same claims!”
This could be the reason behind every play school, growing in number nowadays. For children, playing is their business, and nothing else would bring them more joy as they spend their time performing every game.
We can see them roll, sit, crawl, hop, chase, catch, hide, and find. It is through play, that each guardian learns whether a child is exposing signs of red alerts and as for normal children, it is during these times, when we can witness their milestones.
Our children are truly precious to us. As parents, we should realize that each of our deed and word in front of them, will have an enormous effect as they develop and grow up. Hence, we are all expected to guide them in every way.
Always happy to help,
CESCA
Even I, who have been a full time mom and been reading articles from websites, magazines, newspapers, and books about dealing with kiddos, have been inspired with deeper meaning of “getting along with a child.” From an innocent, newborn baby, up to their toddler years, Carrie had emphasized every essential idea that adults should know, as they raise or simply deal with young people. Here are some highlights from the talk/ workshop.“THE FIRST FIVE YEARS OF LIFE IS WHEN THE MOST SIGNIFICANT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT OCCUR IN HUMAN”
Without our guidance in these years of their lives, our children, might grow up, not knowing how to try things with optimism, being confused as they decide, might get influenced or encouraged with negative thoughts, or perhaps, might surround themselves with not so good peers.
As parents, we have the obligation to nurture our children’s minds and fill them with attention, love and support. “We literally should develop a brain” of a young, exploring kid. It is our duty to provide them with a safe environment by letting them play around with good people, and be the first persons to influence them by injecting more positive ideas while they’re enjoying their child hood.
“PARENTS WHO DO NOT KNOW ABOUT, NOR DOCUMENTING SUCH MILESTONES, VERY MUCH PLACE THEIR CHILDREN AT RISK FOR LIFE LONG CHALLENGES THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SIGNIFICANTLY IMPROVED IF RECOGNIZED EARLIER”
Whether your children are born normal or not, every parent is responsible to discover each milestone that their child can achieve. It is through documenting each stage of your child’s life, and keen observation that you can determine the real condition of your child.
To learn such developments, you don’t need to compare your child with the children around him, nor based your judgment through what your relatives and friends say, yet only through data that you may research and of course, through what the experts (doctors or physicians) say. And prior to everything, a parent or the guardian should be observant of the kid through play time.
“THE POWER OF PLAY”
“Interactive, play-based learning can teach children all of the essential skills necessary for healthy brain development and no other approach, program or system can make those same claims!”
This could be the reason behind every play school, growing in number nowadays. For children, playing is their business, and nothing else would bring them more joy as they spend their time performing every game.
We can see them roll, sit, crawl, hop, chase, catch, hide, and find. It is through play, that each guardian learns whether a child is exposing signs of red alerts and as for normal children, it is during these times, when we can witness their milestones.
Our children are truly precious to us. As parents, we should realize that each of our deed and word in front of them, will have an enormous effect as they develop and grow up. Hence, we are all expected to guide them in every way.
Always happy to help,
CESCA